Your coachee keeps ignoring your feedback. How can you get through to them?

It's often because our feedback doesn't resonate with them. We need to understand their perspective and explain the reasons behind our feedback in a way that's relevant to their point of view, not ours.

Don't Take Resistance Personally. As coaches, we're here to support change, not do it for them. Remember, humans naturally resist change because our reptilian brains see it as dangerous. Offer confidence, support, and accountability—key reasons clients hire us. Empathy and Patience: Understand your client's fears and concerns. Show empathy and patience, reinforcing that resistance is normal. Reframe Feedback: Adjust how you deliver feedback. Use positive language and frame suggestions as opportunities for growth, not criticisms. Build Trust: Establish a deeper connection by actively listening and validating their feelings. Trust can break down barriers and open them to feedback. Building trust is key to effective coaching relationships.

To assess resistance, observe the coachee's body language, listen for repeated excuses or justifications, and note any patterns of avoiding tasks or feedback. Ask open-ended questions to uncover underlying concerns or fears, and actively listen to their responses. This will help identify the root causes of resistance, allowing you to address them more effectively and tailor your approach to their needs.

I usually begin by expressing empathy and acknowledging their feelings. For example, “I sense hesitation in applying the feedback, which is completely normal. Could you share what’s holding you back?” This opens a dialogue, showing respect for their autonomy. Next, I collaboratively explore the benefits of the feedback, linking it to their goals: “Let’s see how this suggestion aligns with your aspirations.” By fostering a supportive environment and emphasizing shared objectives, the coachee/mentee may feel more inclined to consider and apply the feedback constructively. Empathy and collaboration are key.

When a coachee ignores your feedback, it's crucial to understand the root cause of their resistance. Consider their perspective—they might feel overwhelmed, insecure, or disconnected from your advice. Building a trusting relationship where they feel safe to express concerns is essential. For instance, a coachee who maybe constantly dismissing feedback may be facing certain issues. In such situation a thoughtful discussion is needed, maybe the suggestions that we are providing are not aligning with their personal goals. We then have to work together to tailor the feedback to better fit their aspirations. This shows the importance of addressing underlying issues to make feedback more relevant and effective.

If your coachee keeps ignoring your feedback, have a direct and honest conversation about the issue. Express your concerns using "I" statements, like "I've noticed my feedback isn't being implemented, and I'm concerned about your progress." Ask for their perspective to understand any barriers they might be facing. Reinforce the importance of feedback for their development and collaboratively discuss how to make it more actionable and beneficial. This approach fosters openness and encourages the coachee to engage more actively.

It’s about tailoring your approach to the individual’s learning style and preferences. For instance, if a coachee/mentee is visual, you might say, “I’ve noticed text-based feedback isn’t quite hitting the mark. How about we try a visual roadmap of your progress and areas for improvement?” This method not only shows that you’re paying attention to their needs but also presents the feedback in a more digestible format. By aligning the feedback with their preferred style, you demonstrate adaptability and consideration, increasing the likelihood of your coachee/mentee engaging with the feedback. Adaptability and personalization are essential.

Start by ensuring your feedback is specific, constructive, and directly related to their development goals. Use examples and concrete observations to illustrate your points. Encourage an open dialogue where you actively listen to their perspective and address any misunderstandings or resistance they may have. Emphasize the benefits of your feedback in helping them achieve their objectives and career aspirations. Be patient and persistent in your approach, demonstrating your commitment to their growth and improvement. By fostering a supportive and communicative environment, you can encourage them to engage with and act upon your feedback more effectively.

Clear communication with compassion is vital. For example, you might approach the coachee/mentee saying, “I’ve noticed some of my feedback hasn’t been resonating with you. I truly believe in your potential, and my intention is to support your growth. Let’s walk through the feedback together, so I can clarify and adjust it to better suit your needs.” This approach conveys care and a genuine desire to assist, rather than criticize. By speaking with clarity and warmth, you create a safe space for open dialogue, encouraging the coachee/mentee to engage and take constructive action. Clarity and compassion foster trust and receptivity.

Speak to it, but in a way, that's observational and talks and separates the behaviour from them. "I notice when I share X, you don't respond, I'm curious about what's going on there." Depersonalising it makes it easier to approach and removes any element of shame or judgement.

Providing support and resources is key to overcoming resistance. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed some challenges in implementing the feedback. Let’s explore additional resources that might help. I have some articles and exercises that align with your goals. How about we review these together?” Offering specific tools and guidance shows your commitment to their success. It also empowers the coachee/mentee to take ownership of their growth by utilizing these resources. This supportive approach can help bridge the gap between feedback and action, fostering a proactive and engaged mindset. Support and resourcefulness are essential.

Your coachee needs to feel supported, not just critiqued. Offer resources and assistance to help them implement your feedback. This could include additional training, tools, or your time to discuss their challenges. By showing our commitment to their success, we can encourage them to take our feedback seriously.

One effective strategy is to ask the coachee to reflect on their own progress and challenges. Encouraging self-assessment helps them to see the feedback as part of their personal growth journey. For example, asking, "How do you feel about your recent efforts and what areas do you think need improvement?" This approach fosters self-awareness and makes them more open to external feedback as they begin to recognize their own areas for growth.

To engage emotionally, show genuine interest in the coachee's feelings and experiences. Use empathetic listening by acknowledging their emotions and validating their perspectives. Share relevant personal experiences to build rapport and demonstrate understanding. Maintain eye contact, use a warm tone, and express encouragement and support. This emotional connection fosters trust and motivates the coachee to be more receptive and engaged.

Connecting with your coachee on an emotional level can break down barriers. Showing empathy towards their situation and acknowledging their efforts can make a great difference. When people feel understood and valued, they are more receptive to feedback. For example, sharing stories of our own challenges and how we overcame them can inspire our coachee and make the feedback process feel like a shared journey rather than a lecture. I often share personal anecdotes about overcoming similar obstacles, which not only builds rapport but also shows that improvement is a collaborative effort.

Following up with your coachees is essential. Feedback should be an ongoing conversation, not a one-off event. This can be done with regular Check-in with your coachee to assess their progress, address new challenges, and reinforce the feedback you've given. This helps me create rapport between your coachees.

To follow up effectively, schedule regular check-ins to discuss progress and address any ongoing concerns. Summarize key points and action items from previous conversations to ensure clarity and continuity. Ask open-ended questions to encourage reflection and feedback, and provide consistent support and encouragement. This ongoing engagement demonstrates your commitment and helps maintain momentum in the coachee's development.

After trying all the methods suggested, you might want to adopt this old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink”

Fundamentally coaching is not about the coachee following the coach's advice. Each coachee needs to find the solution that works for them, even if you as coach know, hand on heart, that your way is the best way - this is not the purpose of coaching. Coaching is about empowering your client to find the correct way for themselves. You can ask them about their decision making process, but essentially not taking any action is in fact taking action.

Your client isn't there to take or not-take advice or feedback. It's up to them. Even more important is that coaching, in the pure sense... is more about the client's own awareness and self-analysis—not the opinion of the coach.

To get through to a coachee who keeps ignoring your feedback, first, try to understand the reasons behind their resistance by engaging in an open, non-judgmental conversation. Adjust your communication style to better match their preferences and ensure your feedback is specific, actionable, and aligned with their goals. Use positive reinforcement to acknowledge their strengths and progress, and involve them in the feedback process by asking for their input and suggestions. Building a trusting relationship and demonstrating genuine concern for their growth can help them become more receptive to your guidance.